Matt Kelley is Great.com

Current mood: tired
Category: Blogging

As this story begins, I am being punched in the stomach by a giant half-man, half koala bear type creature. I’m not quite sure how I got here, but thats not important right now. The important thing is getting out. Under normal circummstances, I’d opt for a healthy kick in the crotch but in this case, I’m not even sure where this things crotch is. I look to my left. A chainsaw. No. Too messy. To my right? A spoon. Not my first choice in arms, but desperate measures call for desperate actions. Besides I’ve used stranger weapons to slay stranger beasts. As the koala man winds up to sock me again, I reach for the spoon. He hits me again and I go limp. When the beast bends over to suck out my brain, I make my move. I slam the spoon right into the eye of what looks like a cuddly koala bear. After that, he doesn’t look so cuddly. The monster falls to the ground and twitches for awhile. He’s not dead, but he won’t be bothering me any longer. I gather my belongings and leave. I’m never eating at this restaurant again.