Wanted: Pied Piper or A Terminator
Monday, June 11, 2007
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Current mood: I’m looking for a Pied Piper. I don’t have so much of a rat problem as I do a dust problem. I’m looking for a Pied Piper to come around and play his little flute or some shit and get all the dust out of my apartment. See, I’m allergic to dust and whenever I try to clean it (which I admit is quite rarely) my eyes get all itchy and I start sneezing like a bastard. Also, it has to be a Pied Piper because I don’t want to pay a lot. I understand that Pied Pipers accept children as payment so this way if i ever have any kids in the future, I can just give them to the Piper as payment for cleaning up my apartment. That way I’ll have no dust and I won’t ever have to get up in the middle of the night to change any diapers. Booyah!!! If a Pied Piper is not availible, I would also accept a Terminator. There would probably be a lot more stuff to clean up if a Terminator came over to my apartment and terminated all my dust but it would be badass. I would just have to make sure to hide all the important stuff before the Terminator came over and started blowing all sorts of shit up all over the place. I could probably leve the computers out though. Terminators are friends with computers. I’m not talking about like a T-1000 or anything. The Schwarzenegger model would be just fine. Though, it always did confuse me why when they made that model of Terminator why they gave it a thick Austrian accent. They probably just thought it was funny, which is also a reason why I’d like a Terminator to come on over and sweep up around here. Also, I wouldn’t have to pay a Terminator either. I’ll bet there are plenty of John Connors in the phone book. I’ll just rip out the page and give it to him. I’m sure that’s payment enough. Other suggetions fro cleaning my house: Dracula, Crocodile Dundee, or Chester Cheetah. Basically, I’m looking for anybody midly entertaining that I won’t really have to pay with real money. I’d much rather pay with kids, a page of the phone book, blood, I dunno, a boomarang? or some Cheetos. I have to stop writing now becasue my eyes itch.
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shocked
