Wacky Weekend!
Monday, June 18, 2007
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Current mood: Wow did I have a wacky wild weekend! My roomates were both out of town so I had the whole apartment to myself! I did all the stuff I always wanted to do! I rode my sled down the front stairs*, played my saxophone** real loud while dancing on the furniture, walked around in my underwear and just left a mess wherever I was eating.*** I even killed a sheep as a sacrifice to the Dark Lord Zantar**** right in the living room! I would never be aloud to do this with my roomates home. The blood was everywhere but I didn’t even notice becasue I was having too much fun! I had a piece of pizza in each hand! Yummy! After I cleansed myself in the blood of my sacrifice, I tried on all of my roomates clothes and had a fashion show in the living room. I won first place!!!***** I also invited Tim Gunn from TV’s Project Runway over to my apartment. I could never invite Tim Gunn over when my roomates were home because they hate Tim Gunn with a serious passion.****** They are always thowing darts at a dartboard with Tim Gunn’s picture on it. I thought it would be cool to have Tim Gunn hang out for a minute but as soon as he got there, things started to get sort of hairy. First off, Tim Gunn was drunk, real drunk. It wasn’t cool at all. Then he tried to stab me! I quickly jump kicked him and that was that. Tim Gunn apologized and we got back to being home alone. We threw dishes off the roof and shot them with Tim Gunn’s Gunn.******* He kept saying “The dishes are done man!” I asked him why he kept saying and he said it was from a movie but he couldn’t remember the name of it. I told him to shut up but later I remembered that it was from “Don’t Tell Mom The Babysitter’s Dead.” Suddenly, Tim Gunn went into labor!!!********* I told my assistant, Nancy********* to get me some hot water and a towel. I didn’t know why I needed these things. I tried to think of what movie I had seen these items in while somebody was having a baby. For a minute, I thought it was “Don’t Tell Mom The Babysitter’s Dead” but then I remembered it was an episode of Blossom I was thinking of. While I was thinking about this, Tim Gunn gave birth to his baby, but it wasn’t really a baby. It was a medium sized monkey. Tim Gunn named him Princess Bazooki. I said that was a stupid name and Tim Gunn tried to stab me again! This was the last straw. I shot a Hoduken********** at him and he died, but not before assuring that he would still be on Project Runway next season. Uh-oh! I was having so much fun this weekend I forgot to wind my watch! It was Sunday now and half of my roomates would be home in an hour! I had to clean up. I tried to make Princess bazooki the monkey help me but all he wanted to do climb up on things and smoke cigarettes. There was only one person I could call*********** Joe Pantaliano!!! Joey Pants got to my house and said, “Oooohhh!!! God damn baby! You got quite a mess on your hands.” Then he tapped his wrists and wrinkled his nose and the apartment began to magically clean itself up. I said thanks and Joe Pantaliano was on his way.************ When he left, I was glad he was gone. My roomate came home on Sunday night and he didn’t suspect a thing. He would never know about my wild, wacky weekend.************* *I don’t really have a sled. **I don’t know how to play the saxophone. ***I would have done this even if my roomates were home. ****All hail the Dark Lord Zantar! *****I bribed myself in my own favor. I didn’t really derserve to win the fashion show. ******This is totally a lie. *******Of course he has a gunn!!!! ********I forgot to mention that Tim Gunn was 9 months pregnant when he came over. *********My assistant Nancy was there the whole time I was doing all this stuff, but I don’t really consider her a person, mostly because I treat her very badly. She works for very little pay and has even less self-esteem. I own her. **********Yeah, like from Street Fighter II. ***********Actually, I had to use a the telegraph system because that’s all Joe Pantaliano uses. Oops did I ruin it? It was Joe Pantaliano. ************ Joe Pantaliano used the bathroom for about 28 minutes before he actually left. *************Really, I told him about the whole thing as soon as he got home. Like REALLY told him. You know?
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thankful