Tombstone
Tuesday, March 27, 2007
Current mood: cynical
Category: Blogging
We were talking about tombstones the other day. Tombstones and technology. We were saying how people were going to start having plasma screens on their tombstones so you could actually see what they looked like when they were alive. You know, like pictures of what they did or what they were. Like if they were a shoemaker, there would be pictures of them making shoes, or if they were supervillians there would be pictures of them laughing maniacally atop a mountain of human skulls.
I was trying to decide what I wanted on my tombstone. At first I just wanted a cool halogram of me doing a looped dance or something. Like one of those stupid Napoleon Dynamite things you see on peoples myspace profiles or that really fat kid that sorta just gyrates over and over again.
Then I thought about it a little harder and came to the conclusion that I’m not really a dancer (or a gyrator) and my tombstone should really reflect what type of person I was, what my life really consisted of. So, I figured it should just play episodes of the Simpsons and Futurama. Not that I had anything to do with those shows, but that’s probably what I’ve spent most of my life doing, watching those shows.
I bet more people would come to my grave if it had episodes of the Simpsons playing on it. People would be in the graveyard to visit their dead grandma or something and they’d stop at my grave and be like, “Oh this is the episode when Principal Skinner gets fired, lets stay and watch.” My tombstone would probably be well taken care of if it had the Simpsons on it. I won’t even need people who loved me to visit my grades. Complete stangers will take care of me.
However, if I can’t get the Simpsons or Futurama because of copyright issues or something, I’m just gonna get a camera inside my coffin to loop out to the plasma screen so everyone can see my decaying corpse. Then I’m just gonna have loud black metal music playing. Eventually, I’ll just be a badass skeleton kickin it in the coffin listening to Bal Sagoth or At The Gates.
Then nobody would come to my grave becasue it would be too loud/disgusting. That’s the kind of guy I am I guess, all or nothing. Maybe I should get a picture in picture plasma screen so i can have episodes of the simpsons playing with metal music and my rotting body in the little picture. Or the other way around if you want. You know, ying and yang.
Currently watching :
The Natural History of the Chicken
Release date: By 18 November, 2003