Things I Don’t Miss
September 6, 2007 - Thursday
Current mood: Smooookin
Category: Smooookin Blogging
Life is awesome, don’t get me wrong. But every once in a while something comes along that makes me embarrassed to be a human being. Well, in most cases I’m just embarrassed to be an American but you’ll get the idea. I’m sure they have stupid fads and dumb celebrities in France too, I just don’t live there. Anyway, here is a list of things that aren’t really around anymore (thank God) but made me want to die at the height of their popularity.
1) Austin Powers impressions: Do I make you horny, baby? No, you don’t. You make me want to go hide in a hole for 30 years. When I was 17 i went to New york City and watched a taping of Conan O’Brien. Before the show started, a comedian came out to warm up the audience. He was ripping on people and everybody was having a good time. Then he started making fun of this hillbilly dude and the hillbilly replied with, “Do I make you, randy baby?” Dead silence. Way to start the show on a downer. Why did people think they were funny when they said this? It was barely funny when Mike Myers did it in the movie. It made me want to to kill myself.
2) Beanie Babies: Hey I paid $200 for a piece of cloth stuffed with beans. Wow. You’re dumber than you look. First of all, why the fuck were these things popular and second, what kind of moron shells out that kind of cash for beans? Those little fuzzy sacks better be full of magic beans that grow into beanstalks that take you into a magical world of big-titted mermaids and shit. I remember there being a national shortage of these things and people were paying out the ass for them. Yeah. Great investment. How much is your beanie baby worth today? Nothing? What a surprise.
3) Britney: As far as i’m concerned the whole Britney thing is over. Once you go crazy like that it’s pretty hard to bounce back. I may be wrong about this but i pray to God that i’m not. People actually liked Britney Spears. She was obviously manufactured by record producers and people were either tricked by it or they just didn’t care. Either way, it’s really sad. I can’t even find the humor in it, I’m so infuriated by this girl. I guess it all ended well. Her breakdown was almost worth all the merchandise and bad music shoved in my face for the past 8 years. I thought we learned what happens when you give a young person an unlimited amount of money and no authority figures with Michael Jackson. Oh well, those who don’t learn from the past…
4) Pogs: Heh heh. What a silly idea. Pogs were dumb but they don’t make me want to die like the other things on this list. I can actually appreciate their sillyness. If anything has to come back, it’s pogs. They were just milk caps! People made the biggest deal out of them. (For about a week) Who wants a collection of milk caps? Are people going to start collecting empty cereal boxes or those little ties that keep your bread bag sealed? I don’t know about you guys but when my milk is empty I throw the bottle in the trash. I don’t play games with the caps.
5) Jim Carrey Quotes: Same as the Austin Powers thing. All phrases from “Ace Ventura: Pet Detective” and “The Mask” should be banned from the english language. Nuff Said.
There’s about 65,000 more things I’d like to put on this list but i have to go to work now. Word.
Currently watching :
Chairman of the Board
Release date: 11 August, 1998