Thanks, But I’m Good On the Fallout Boy
August 28, 2007 - Tuesday
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Current mood: Chinese Ok. I get it. You want me to buy Fallout Boy’s record. You want me to think that Pete Wentz is a hot piece of manmeat and you might even want me to but a ticket for a movie starring Fallout Boy in the near future. Let’s just get it out of the way right now; thank you, but I respectfully decline more Fallout Boy. In fact, I would really appreciate it if you could get rid of them altogether. It’s ok. You made a mistake. Everybody makes mistakes sometimes. Now please just make them go away and let us never speak of them again. Let’s just do whatever Satanic incantation we need to do and send them back to whatever awful distorted “punk rock” hell dimension they came from. We should all learn a lesson from this. It’s not polite to shove boy bands down people’s throats. I thought we learned our lesson with Vanilla Ice and NKOTB in the early 90’s. Then again we should have learned it with The Backstreet Boys, NSYNC and the whole Britney Spears fiasco a decade later. Once again, I overestimated everyone’s intelligence. For this I apologize. I should have spoken up sooner. So, just so we are straight now; please no more Fallout Boy…ever. No more bad music, no more commercials, please never make a movie and for god sakes please no more of that asshole bass player. You do know that guy is the bass player right? He’s not the lead singer or the even the guitarist. He’s the bass player. Nobody likes the bass player. It’s the easiest job in the band. He just plays root notes. Sure the bass can be a cool instrument to play but not if you are in a bad “punk rock” band. If I had a 10 year old cousin, I would say “My 10 year old cousin can play bass as good as that guy from Fallout Boy.” Please stop glorifying Pete Wentz. He’s a little bitch. While we are sending terrible things back to the hell in which they came, please send back Tom Cruise, Lindsay Lohan, Britney, Male Models, Cauliflower, hillbillies and a little more than half of the Madonna personalities. I’ll keep Vogue Madonna, Victorian Madonna, Dick Tracy Madonna, Leather Queen Madonna, and All the Way May. You can have Slut Madonna, “With Honors” Madonna, Cross burning Pepsi Madonna (not because of the cross burning but because of the Pepsi), “Rain” Madonna, Kaballah Madonna, Guy Richie Madonna, and mommy Madonna. Please send them all back to hell. I’m glad we had this talk. I uinderstand that you want to make records and sell those records for lots of money but come on, these guys? I mean, if you’re going to do that just let me know and i’ll save one of my turds for you. My turds could probably make way better records than Fallout Boy or half of the Madonnas. Just give them a chance.
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