Matt Kelley is Great.com

Current mood: angry

I’ve been doing a lot of thinking lately and I think there are a lot of people out there who should just suck it.  I mean really.  Who do these people think they are?  Thinking they can get away from not sucking it.  Shame on them.  Now, lots of people should suck it and i can’t name them all so I’ll just name a few.

1. David Blaine- Man this guy needs to suck it hard.  He’s always going up to people on the street and bothering them with his lame ass illusions.  He’s no better than any homeless people that approach me on the street for spare change or cigarettes.  If I ever see that cock burglar out on the streets and he bugs me, I’m gonna be pissed.  No David Blaine, I don’t have the time to watch you push a quarter through your hand.  I’m busy.  Suck it. 

2.Geraldo- Seriously?  You’re gonna have that shitty moustache for 20 years?  Buddy.  You just earned yourself a one way ticket to fuckhead town.  I’ve had to watch you on TV since I was like 5 years old, and you have always had that shitty thing right in the middle of your face.  It’s not just the moustache either, you really are a grade A quality douchebag.  You know what?  It’s not just you either.  I can’t stand most national newscasters: Nancy Grace, Rita Cosby, Bill O’Reilly, Larry King, Greta Van Sustren.  You can all suck it.  However, I gotta give it up for my boy, Oblerman.  He’s a solid bro.  

3.  People that still do Austin Powers impressions- Ok.  That movie came out in like 1998.  It wasn’t funny when you did it then, and it sure as fuck isn’t funny know.  Suck it baby, yeah!

4. Roman Emporer Nero-  Sure he’s been dead for over 1000 years, but this guy was a royal asshole.  He burnt down 30% of ancient Rome to build himself a pleasure palace.  Look dude, we all want a pleasure palace where we can have orgies or sacrifice goats or whatever but why you gotta burn down Rome?  Just expand dude.  Isn’t that what building an empire is all about?  Suck it. 

Obviously, there are plenty of other people out there who need to suck it but I just don’t have the time for it now.  Plus, it makes me too angry to think about.  I want to wait until I’m at least 25 before I have a heart attack.  If somebody reads this and can think of other people who should suck it, please feel free to post.  Or you also have the option to suck it yourself.   

Currently watching : Total Recall Release date: By 21 May, 2002