Roy Orbison Is A Ghost
Friday, July 13, 2007
Current mood: hellafied
Category: hellafied Blogging
I wrote a scene about this not too long ago but I think it might come across better in blog form.
Roy Orbison is a ghost. I’m not saying he just became a ghost when he “died” a few years ago. I’m saying that Roy Orbison has always been a ghost. It’s pretty obvious once you think about it.
FACT:
Dude is always wearing sunglasses. I can’t think of any pictures of him without sunglasses on. Can you? Didn’t think so. I bet he even rolls Corey Hart Style.
THEORY:
Roy Orbison wears these sunglasses to hide his souless eyes. In fact, he doesn’t even have eyes, just dark black holes but he can still see by using his ghost powers. Plus, he uses his snake-like tongue to smell things around him…like a snake does.
FACT:
All Roy Orbison’s songs are about how lonely he is all the time.
THEORY:
Who’s more lonely than a ghost? Remember all those Casper the Ghost cartoons? They’re all exactly the same:
1) Casper wants somebody to play with him.
2) Nobody will play with Casper because he is a ghost.
3) Casper is lonely.
4) Casper finds some dumbass to play with him.
6) Dumbass plays with Casper.
7) Dumbass finds out Casper is a ghost and runs off screaming.
Casper is lonely.
Ghost are inherently lonely creatures. Just like Roy Orbison.
FACT:
Listen to the way dude sings. He sounds like a fucking ghost. He’s all like “Ooooooohhhhhhhhh” and “Bbbaaaaaaaaaabbbbbyyyyyyyyyyyy”
THEORY:
When you die your vocal chords are strongly affected, giving you a fluttery, wailing sort of voice. This is why ghosts always talk so spookaliciously.
FACT:
Roy Orbison has very light skin.
THEORY:
He’s a ghost.
So, those are the facts and those are my theories behind them. As I stated before, it’s pretty obvious. He’s a ghost. Roy Orbison is as much of a ghost as Joey Ramone is an alien. Actually, they kind of look alike so I think Roy Orbison might be a ghost from Joey Ramone’s home planet.
Now you’re probably thinking “Yeah right. If Roy Orbison is such a ghost how come he had all those songs in the 60’s through the 80’s.”
Quite simple actually, he got bored. I think Roy Orbison is at least 1,000,000 years old. If you were 1,000,000 years old you would probably get pretty bored too. So bored, you might even start writing songs. Plus, if you were a ghost all the song would be about how lonely you were (See Fact number 2.)
So the next question is “Why did he stop?” I’ll answer that with another obvious answer. Like most things, being a rock star gets old after 30 or so years. I think Orbison wanted to do other things. He’s probably haunting a castle in Europe somewhere. Most likely, he faked his own death (so nobody would find out that he was a ghost) and just took off.
But don’t worry, he’ll be back. Maybe not in this lifetime, but he’ll be back nonetheless. If he’s already 1,000,000 years old what’s another 1,000,000 years. No big, right?
Currently watching :
Hoopnotic Hoopdance Beginning Level 1
Release date: 15 October, 2006