Matt Kelley is Great.com

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Category: Blogging

Let me tell you a little something about real men.  I’m not talking about these pussy little pantywastes that you girls out there call husbands and boyfriends.  I’m talking about real men.  I’m talking about football playin, ass kickin, testosterone bleedin men. 

Real Men Fact #1:  Real men eat their own boogers.

A real man doesn’t have time to get a tissue.  He’s too busy doing manly things, like eatin Taco Bell.  Don’t mess with a real man when he’s eating Taco Bell…unless you wanna get clobbered. 

Real Men Fact #2:  Real men paint thier toenails. 

You think girls are the ones who paint thier toenails?  Wrong!  It’s men!  Real men!  They started it back in the 1200’s.  The women just copied.

Real Men Fact #3: Worms live in trees. 

You think just because you see a worm in the ground you think it lives there?  Wrong.  Justy ask any real man.  Worms live in trees my friend.      

Real Men Fact #4:  Michael Bolton is the enemy.

Real men hate Michael Bolton.  Why?  Because he’s not a real man.  He’s just a little fufu bitch with a sex voice and poodle hair.  Michael Bolton is the real man’s sworn enemy.  Michael Boton has never eaten a booger in his life. 

Real Men Fact #5:  Real men wear womens underwear. 

But we all know it is strictly a comfort thing.  You can’t expect a real man to be manly all the time can you?  Sometimes real men need to feel sexy too.  Sometimes real men also wear cowboy hats. 

Real Men Fact #6:  Evolution is a lie.

In the begining there was God.  God created heaven and god created Earth.  The God created Adam and then God created a real man…Chuck. 

Real Men Fact #7:  The capital of Florida is Tallahasse. 

It’s true.  Just look at any map of Florida. 

Real Men Fact #8:  Real men don’t have sleeves on thier shirts. 

Do you think you’re a real man?  What do you wear in the winter?  A jacket?  Get out of here pantywaste. 

Real Men Fact #9:  Help!  An alien is killing me. 

Call the cops!  Call somebody.  I’m being killed by an alien! 

Real Men Fact #10:  This blog is really weird today because I haven’t taken a shower yet and I’m still half asleep. 

Yup. 

Currently watching : Cats - The Musical (Commemorative Edition) Release date: By 12 September, 2000