Prison Gang
Friday, May 16, 2008
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Current mood: I think if I ever had to join a prison gang, I would join the black gang. Now I know what you’re thinking; Matt Kelley, why would anybody ever put YOU in prison? Well, you never know. I might commit grand larceney some time. I mean, I don’t know what grand larceny is, so I may inadvertantly do it some day. Maybe grand larceny is just a wrong way of tying your shoe. I always double knot my shoe laces just in case it is, but you know, sometimes they still come untied. Hopefully, I don’t go to prison of course but it’ll be good to have a plan just in case. They say you either kick somebody’s ass on the first day or become somebody’s bitch. I figure I’ll just kick everyone’s ass and then they’ll let me join any prison gang I want. Now you’re probably now thinking; Matt Kelley, why don’t you just kick the guards asses too and leave prison? Well, it is tempting but if I’m in prison, I’m probably there for a good reason. I probably tied my shoe incorrectly and committed grand larceny. I’ll serve my time. Normally it would probably make sense to join a white gang like the Aryan Nation but I don’t want to be in their gang. I think if you join that gang, you have to get a bunch of crappy tattoos and stuff. I don’t think I would look good with a spiderweb tattooed on my neck or a swastika on my forearm. Just not for me. Plus, there is the whole being racist thing. No thanks. The black gang would be down with me too because I’m sorta into hip hop. I’ll be all like, “Wu-Tang!!” and I’ll throw up the west side hand gesture. I think they will know that I am street. Plus, I have a huge wiener so I am sorta like a black person already. My first act as a white person in a black prison gang will be to get better living conditions in the prison. First off, no walls. What’s the worst part about being in prison? You can’t leave. There are high walls and lots of barbed wire. With that being said, the barbed wire would have to go too. If you could just walk around outside of the prison to see your friends or your girlfriend and stuff, it probably wouldn’t be so bad. I mean, I’ll still be in prison. I just won’t be IN prison. Of course, I’ve never been in prison before, but from what I see in the movies, the food sucks. My second act as a white person in a blck prison gang would be to get a real chef in there. In the movies they always have prisoners making the food. That doesn’t make sense. They’re not cooks, they’re prisoners. They eat the food. They’re not supposed to cook it. I would get Wolfgang Puck to cook the food, or Emeril. Probably Emeril, because then when he says “BAM!!” I could shank somebody on the yard for talking trash about me and nobody would hear it.
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breezy
