Kitten Fight!!
Thursday, December 13, 2007
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Current mood: Slimy I think I’m going to start an underground kitten fighting league. I’m not sure if kitten fighting is actually illegal. It probably is but whatever. I think I can make hella scrill. Since that football dude went to jail for having all those dog fights I bet there’s a bunch of people lookin for something to gamble on. That’s where kitten fights comes in. I’m gonna get as many of the baddest, toughest kittens I can find, breed them into super-kittens and have fights in my living room, thunderdome style. Two kittens enter, one kitten leaves. Actually, maybe I’ll make it exactly like thunderdome. I’ll build a thunderdome and put a bunch of tiny weapons inside it. Then I’ll strap rubberbands around the kittens and watch them fight to the death. I know people usually like dog fighting, but here’s the deal. My apartment is very small and there’s no way I’ll be able to keep a bunch of big loud smelly pitbulls in here. I’ll totally get busted. Plus, pitbulls are way bigger and I think if I buried four of them, my backyard would be full of dead pitbulls. Whereas kittens are much smaller, I can fit more dead ones in the backyard. Also, kittens will be easier to keep in the apartment. I mean, I’ll feel sorta bad for being responsible for having all this kitten blood on my hands but I’m sure all the money I’m gonna make will cheer me up. I just hope the ghosts of the dead kittens don’t haunt me too bad. That would suck. Oh yeah, and to make it even more like Thunderdome, I’ll dress up like Tina Turner and be all crazy and yell and shit. Then at the end of every night of kitten fights, I’ll sing that song that’s like, “We Don’t Need Another Hero” That will be the kitten fight theme song. It will be fuckin sweet. I aslo sort of want it to be like WWF (or WWE whatever) so the kittens will have personas and theme songs when they come out to fight. Also, feel free to dress your kitten up in a flashy costume to intimidate it’s opponent. Did I mention that other people are welcome to bring their kittens? Well, they are. In fact, I’d prefer it. I don’t mind keeping a kitten farm in my apartment but I can’t have all my kittens killing each other off so fast. Anybody can bring their kitten to kitten fights but watch out cuz my kittens are gonna be real tough. I’m gonna juice them up with kitten steroids too. Kitten fighting won’t be regulated by any watchdog groups or anything. Just pure exploitation of kittens for profit. Well, I better get to building that Thunderdome. I need money to buy Christmas gifts for my family.
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