Holidays
Monday, July 23, 2007
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Current mood: Ray is a Taco Man, I sure like having days off of work. Don’t you? Of course you do. There aren’t quite enough Holidays in the year for me to get paid for not going to work so I propose that everybody (or at least America) adopt some new Holidays. There are lots of cool things in the world that aren’t quite appreciated enough. Why not dedicate a holiday to them? Here are some suggestions: National Walrus Day- On this proposed Federal Holiday, Americans will band together to celebrate lazy oafish sea mammal, the walrus. Everybody gets to be real lazy. You sit around and watch TV in the sun all day. Also, you eat a bunch of food with your friends and/or family, mostly fish. However, you aren’t allowed to cook on National Walrus Day so you have to order out for fish. This is unfortunate for most fish delivery boys but hey, you can’t shut everthing the fuck down. April 19th. Shut Everything the Fuck Down Day-I guess I was wrong. Maybe you can shut everything down. On this proposed Holiday nobody works. Everybody just takes off work and gets drunk as fuck. Make sure you buy enough alcohol in advance because there won’t be any stores or bars open. On this day Americans will remember what it’s like to live in the dark ages and get drunk off their asses. There are probably A LOT of reasons why this Holiday wouldn’t work but what the fuck, right? September 10th. Please Don’t Kill Me, Robot Day!!-We all know it’s coming eventually. Robots will at some point take over the world and make us (humans) into their slaves. Why not start celebrating now? On this day, people will smash their microwaves and toaters in the streets and run to the hills in fear of their lives. Not the most pleasant holiday out there but it still beats Sweetest Day. Yuck. Janurary 23rd. Wednesday-Have you ever taken a Wednesday off in the middle of the week? It’s bad ass. It’s like a Saturday in the middle of the work week. If any of these Holidays actually get approved, I’m hoping for this one. It pretty much takes care of the whole not having enough Holidays problem. It adds 52 holidays to the calendar. I don’t even care what people do. Anything they want I guess. Every Wednesday of the year. Purple Punk Rock Prirate Week-On this proposed Holiday Americans will finally be able to celebrate all of their favorite things at once. These things of course being pirates, punk rock music and the color purple. Everybody will listen to the Adolescents really loud while talking like a pirate and throwing purple paint all over the place for an entire week. Sounds like fun, right? Right. First week of November. Do The Damn Thang Day-You know that thing that you’ve been trying to get done forever but could never find the time? Well this day is your day to “Do The Damn Thang.” You don’t have to work so you got time to get that thing done. If you don’t have anything to do then you can work. I’m sure the fish delivery boys could use some help. So those are a few new Holiday ideas. I think they are good but most people will probably think they are stupid. Whatever. If you have any other holiday ideas, feel free to post them here and I will send a letter (along with some dog doo) to the president for consideration of said Holidays. Until then, I still have to go to work.
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