Matt Kelley is Great.com

Current mood: lethargic
Category: Blogging

I’ve never been in a fight before, like ever, but I know that I could beat some ass if I wanted to.  Like if I were to fight a poodle or a girlscout I would probably win.  Well, maybe not a big strong girlscout.  More like a Brownie.  I think I could probably kick any brownies ass.  They are like girls 5-8 right?  I could take one of them.  Anyway, here is a list of fights I would definately lose.  Feel free to add to my huimiliation if you know of somebody/thing that could most likely kick my ass. 

1) Matt Kelley Vs.  A Hockey Player

2) Matt Kelley Vs. Dracula

3) Matt Kelley Vs. Gemini from American Gladiators

4) Matt Kelley Vs. Hulk Hogan

5) Matt Kelley Vs. The Sun

6) Matt Kelley Vs. 41 Ninjas

7) Matt Kelley Vs. The guy who played Grizzly Adams on TV

Matt Kelley Vs. Bruce Lee

8b) Matt Kelley Vs. Tyra Banks

9) Matt Kelley Vs. The Los Angeles Crips    

10) Matt Kelley Vs. Shaquille O’Neal

11) Matt Kelley Vs. Freddy Kruger

12) Matt Kelley Vs.Forest Whitaker

Wow.  That’s sort of depressing.  I’m imagining myself getting beat up by all these folks.  I think I’ll continue the list by listing fights that I might actually win.  So, if you are just tuning in halfway through this blog, it has drastically changed and is now the exact opposite of what it was before. 

Fights I might win: 

13) Matt Kelley Vs. A poodle

14) Matt Kelley Vs. The Microscopic Cowboy

15) Matt Kelley Vs. The Worlds Fluffiest Kitten

16) Matt Kelley Vs. A Grandma

17) Matt Kelley Vs. Morrissey

18) Matt Kelley Vs. A Broken Robot

19) Matt Kelley Vs. A Bowl of Speghetti

20) Matt Kelley Vs. A Sick Baby

21) Matt Kelley Vs. Some Bacon

22) Matt Kelley Vs.Ummm, a Violin? 

That’s all I can think of right now.  It’s sort of a lazy blog day.  However, tomorrow will mark the date of my 100th blog so I should do something special tomorrow.  Let’s say that I’m going to make a huge announcement tomorrow.  I’ll have to make something up but we can pretend that it’s real.  Maybe I’ll say that I’m moving to Japan.  Yeah, that works.  I’ll say that.  I’m not really going to but we’ll just pretend like it’s a huge deal.      

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