Februrarurayy the 14th
Tuesday, February 14, 2006
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Current mood: Hooray! Today is Valentines Day! Personally, I’ve never been too big of a fan of the holiday. I’m not very good at it. I think the last time I actually had a Valentines Day Date, I showed up late and I was drunk. That’s right, I’m a real ladies man. I don’t know why, but I have a feeling that the orgin of this holiday has something to do with snakes. Let’s take a look. The Story behind St. Valentines Day is a fascinating one. Although February 14th is celebrated as a lovers’ holiday today, with the giving of candy, flowers, Valentine’s Day card and other gifts between couples in love, it originated as a tribute to St. Valentine, a Catholic bishop. As early as the fourth century B.C., the Romans engaged in an annual young man’s rite of passage to the God Lupercus. It’s earliest orgin was the Roman festival Lupercalia, observed on Feb. 15. Lupercalia celebrated the coming of Spring on the Roman calendar. Lupercalia became a celebration intended to ensure the fertility of flocks, fields and people. The names of the teenage women were placed in a box and drawn at random by adolescent men; thus, a man was assigned a woman companion (a sexual partner) for the duration of the year, after which another lottery was staged. After eight hundred years of this cruel practice, the early church fathers sought to end this practice. In an effort to do away with the pagan festival, Pope Gelasius ordered a slight change in the lottery. Instead of the names of young women, the box would contain the names of saints. Both men and women were allowed to draw from the box, and the game was to emulate the ways of the saint they drew during the rest of the year. Needless to say, many of the young Roman men were not too pleased with the rule changes. Blah blah blah. Nothing to do with snakes. I was thinking of St. Patricks Day. http://www.floramex.com/li-stpatricks.htm That’s boring. I’d rather make up my own orgin. Pope Schwarzenegger the XXXVII was riding his harley through the desert. His first name was jake. Jake had been driving for hours under the hot African sun. He was weary from the heat but it was the army of robots he had just fought that really took it out of him. There had to be water somewhere. Jakes eyes began to close. Was this the end of his terrible reign as Pope? He certainly thought so. Suddenly, an alien spacecraft appeared over the horizon. The aliens fired a missle directly at Jake’s harley. Jake jumped. He was blown back by the force of the explosion. No time to die now. It was time to fight. Jake pulled his bazzooka out from underneath wreckage. He fired and all the aliens died. Just as Jake thought the fight was over, a grizzly bear attacked him from behind. His bazooka was knocked out of his hands. All Jake had now was his knife. It was rusty but trusty. Jake threw the knife into the bear’s heart. Blood spurt from the wound and covered Jake’s face. That was his first drink in 7 days. He looked at the bear. It was hurt but not ready to quit. Jake began to reach for his bazooka but the bear had the drop on him. The bear delivered a swift roundhouse kick to the left side of Jake’s head. For a moment everything went black. Jake opened his eyes. He could see the bear standing above him. The only thing he could remember was his basic training in the Navy Seals. Jake kicked the bear in the nutsack and rose to his feet. The bear let out another roar and collapsed to the ground. “Happy Valentines Day, mother fucker,” Jake said. He then pulled his ninja sword out from its sheath and chopped off the bears head. It was time to go home. Jake had enough bear meat and blood to get him through the rest of the desert. He walked off into the sunset anxious to get back to his magical flying submarine (which also happened to be named Valentines Day) The End
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cheerful