Eat Your Peas
August 30, 2007 - Thursday
Category: Blogging
I never had a problem with my mother trying to get me to eat my peas when i was a little guy. Part of this is because we rarely ever ate peas but I think the main reason is because I actually like peas. They are yummy little guys. Put some butter (or some I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter Spray for those of you with high chloresterol) on those puppies and you’re good to go. Mmmmmm. Yummy yummy peas.
The other thing that ilike about peas is that are easy to control with your mind. If you will a pea to do something, 90% of the time it will obey. They won’t do anything evil like destroy you’re enemies or push old ladies down flights of stairs. No, peas are friendly little buddies. For the most part they are quite good-hearted.
They will do things like get the remote for you if it’s too far away or lay your clothes out for work while you are in the shower. They are so great, peas. I love them….
Ok, I think they’re gone. All that stuff I said about peas earlier is all bullshit. The peas made me write it. They are evil little bastrds. Don’t trust them. Don’t trust the peas! They kidnapped my family and said if i didn’t write something very nice about them, they would torture my cat, Chewbacca. I’m so scared. I don’t know what to do.
I wish broccoli was here. Now there’s a real vegetable, broccoli. He would know what to do about these evil peas. I think the peas are stealing my stuff. I can hear them ripping the copper wiring out of the walls. Oh broccoli where are you? You are so big and strong. You are king of all the vegetables….
Ok, I think he’s gone. All that crap I said about broccoli was bullshit. There was a stalk of broccoli in here and he had a knife. He said he would stab me if I didn’t write bad things about the peas and great things about him. He said he had to make a phone call and I locked him out. If you see this dangerous character out on the street,call the cops. He’s about three feet high. He’s green and he has a knife and a cell phone. Man I’m glad he’s gone.
Truth is, tomatoes are the best damn vegetable there is. Or is it a fruit? Whatever. All I know is, I was at the grocery store the other day and there was this tomato in the produce section and he was smoking a huge joint. He asked if I wanted to hit it and i was all like “fuck yeah.” The tomtato came home with me and we got funky Not like sex funky or anything but like party down funky. We watched The Simpsons on DVD and ordered a pizza. Then we listened to records and the tomato gave me a mixtape of his favorite songs.
I think this may be hands down the stupidest blog I ‘ve ever written…and I’ve wrote some doozies. Oh well. Can’t win them all. I’ll try again tomorrow.
Currently watching :
Xanadu
Release date: 20 July, 1999