Matt Kelley is Great.com

ImSuperAwesom: yo china man
Stankenstein501: word up negro
ImSuperAwesom: word to your mother
Stankenstein501: Word to YOUR mother
Stankenstein501: you drinkin blood tonight?
ImSuperAwesom: everynight
Stankenstein501: hells yeah
Stankenstein501: i founda clown in my toilet
ImSuperAwesom: i put it there
ImSuperAwesom: it was a gift
Stankenstein501: did you?
Stankenstein501: thank you soooooooooooo much
Stankenstein501: its perfect
ImSuperAwesom: yeaa, i thought you’d like it
Stankenstein501: i do
Stankenstein501: i’m going to put in my sisters bed tonight
ImSuperAwesom: AWESOME!
Stankenstein501: She has been missing for 9 years
ImSuperAwesom: thats a long time
Stankenstein501: yeah
Stankenstein501: im pretty sure shes dead
ImSuperAwesom signed off at 9:43:38 PM.
ImSuperAwesom signed on at 9:44:43 PM.
ImSuperAwesom: back
Stankenstein501: did you go to hell?
ImSuperAwesom: been there done that
Stankenstein501: cool
ImSuperAwesom: never made it to the 9th level though…only the 8th.
ImSuperAwesom: I’m just not evil enough
Stankenstein501: you’ll get there someday
ImSuperAwesom: Yeah, I’m young. I’d say the 8th is pretty good for my age.
Stankenstein501: Sure
Stankenstein501: How old are you?
Stankenstein501: 94?
ImSuperAwesom: something like that
Stankenstein501: me too

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ThrillhouseE: place the dildo in roscoe
DoloresHaze: yeah ok
DoloresHaze: who is this
ThrillhouseE: this is Bryan Austin Greene
DoloresHaze: oh. do i know you?
ThrillhouseE: you have been chosen
ThrillhouseE: to place the dildo in roscoe
DoloresHaze: i’ll get right on it
ThrillhouseE: please
ThrillhouseE: make no haste!
ThrillhouseE: it must be placed in him immediately
ThrillhouseE: is it in yet?
ThrillhouseE: my fate depends on it!
DoloresHaze: and why is that?
ThrillhouseE: if the dildo is not placed in roscoe by 10:34 on this date, i shall turn into something most hideous
ThrillhouseE: too hideous to even mention
ThrillhouseE: please
DoloresHaze: what like a giant cockroache or something?
ThrillhouseE: worse
DoloresHaze: like gregor samsa
ThrillhouseE: worse
ThrillhouseE: please
ThrillhouseE: theres no time!
ThrillhouseE: put it in him!
DoloresHaze: well i have to go to class
DoloresHaze: nice talking to you
ThrillhouseE: hurry!
ThrillhouseE: put the dildo in roscoe!
ThrillhouseE: i need the power!
ThrillhouseE: let me taste the power!
ThrillhouseE: let me feel the dream!
DoloresHaze: Who the fuck are you?!
DoloresHaze: its past 10:34 anyway
ThrillhouseE: im in the central time zone!
DoloresHaze: alright g2g bbye
ThrillhouseE: please!
ThrillhouseE: put it in!
ThrillhouseE: this is Bryan Austin Greene’s last chance!
DoloresHaze is away at 10:06:05 AM.

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ThrillhouseE: You aren’t black
J8cobBlack: ??
ThrillhouseE: quit faking it
ThrillhouseE: you are making a mockery of the African American community
J8cobBlack: who are you?
ThrillhouseE: I am the Honorable Brother Shallik Muhaud Eliza Jackzon Minelli N’dege O’Cello
ThrillhouseE: and you my, brother
ThrillhouseE: are comminting a serious crime against humanity
ThrillhouseE: you are impersonatiing an african american
ThrillhouseE: with me I will bring great vengence upon thee!
J8cobBlack: how so?
ThrillhouseE: i can’t believe this brother has the nerve to ask
ThrillhouseE: How so?
J8cobBlack: you might want to use dictionary.com to check the spelling of your prose
ThrillhouseE: I don’t have time for spell check
ThrillhouseE: i am writing out of anger and rage that has been opressified on my people for centuries!
ThrillhouseE: spell check!
ThrillhouseE: spell check my ass!
ThrillhouseE: have you no decency sir?
J8cobBlack: when did i claim to be black?
ThrillhouseE: brother, it is in your name!
J8cobBlack: how do you know what race I may or may not be?
ThrillhouseE: a black man would never choose this screen name
J8cobBlack: why?
ThrillhouseE: only a white man pretending to be a black man, would have the audacity
ThrillhouseE: to use such a screen name
J8cobBlack: why would I pretend to be black
ThrillhouseE: because YOU, my young brother, are envious of the black race
J8cobBlack: why?
ThrillhouseE: because, WE are genetically superior!
J8cobBlack: how so?
ThrillhouseE: we are better at sports, we accel in philosophy
ThrillhouseE: and we have much larger genitals!
J8cobBlack: big imaginations?
ThrillhouseE: of course!
ThrillhouseE: the negroes have huge imaginations!
ThrillhouseE: Dr. Suess was black!
J8cobBlack: don’t forget higher rates of heart attacks, diabetes, and shorter lifespans
ThrillhouseE: only because the white man has been oppressing us for soooo long
ThrillhouseE: and i must say
ThrillhouseE: you aren’t helping
J8cobBlack: marie?
ThrillhouseE: this ain’t no goddamn Marie
ThrillhouseE: this is the Honorable Brother Shallik Muhaud Eliza Jackzon Minelli N’dege O’Cello goddamn it
ThrillhouseE: have some goddamn respect!
J8cobBlack: Kriss Anne?
ThrillhouseE: you watch your ass boy
ThrillhouseE: you watch your ass

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ThrillhouseE: eat dookie?
Redrum4213: ques que ce?
Redrum4213: identify yourself?
ThrillhouseE: This is agent 313
Redrum4213: youre late
ThrillhouseE: I’m sorry
Redrum4213: the blue bird has left the building
Redrum4213: anyway who are you?
ThrillhouseE: Ted
ThrillhouseE: but you may call me
ThrillhouseE: Leopard Spot
Redrum4213: i could
Redrum4213: howd you find me
ThrillhouseE: we have eyes everywhere
Redrum4213: the doodlebops are doing the hora!
ThrillhouseE: fuck them in the eyelids
ThrillhouseE: before i explode, dad
Redrum4213: im not sure they have eyelids
Redrum4213: asl?
ThrillhouseE: 38/f/florida
Redrum4213: a female named ted?
ThrillhouseE: yup
ThrillhouseE: my parents were hippies
ThrillhouseE: till they died
Redrum4213: i have a feeling youre not being very honest
ThrillhouseE: you’re a liar!
ThrillhouseE: I am real!
ThrillhouseE: I am a real person!
Redrum4213: okay then
ThrillhouseE: don’t challenge me!
Redrum4213: hey you know if you mix the letters in liar you almost get real?
ThrillhouseE: thats right
ThrillhouseE: you are sooo smart
Redrum4213: but of course
ThrillhouseE: wanna get funky?
Redrum4213: well first it would be nice to decide what gender you really are
ThrillhouseE: I got both parts
ThrillhouseE: dick and vag
Redrum4213: how does that work?
ThrillhouseE: it works wonders
Redrum4213: uh huh
Redrum4213: thatd be kind of a turn off you know
ThrillhouseE: no way
ThrillhouseE: its hot
Redrum4213: yeah good luck with that
ThrillhouseE: Sometimes when people tell me to “go fuck myself”
ThrillhouseE: I do
ThrillhouseE: and its awesome
ThrillhouseE: Im fuckin good too
Redrum4213: got a pic?
Redrum4213: clothed?
ThrillhouseE: yeah
ThrillhouseE: how do i send it?

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ThrillhouseE: Ya’ll got the warrior’s sword?
ThrillhouseE: Hello?
Jenna445: what
ThrillhouseE: I am looking for the warrior’s sword.
Jenna445: good luck with that
ThrillhouseE: do ya’ll have that in stock?
ThrillhouseE: The warrior’s sword.
Jenna445: i don’t know what you are talking about
ThrillhouseE: I’m looking at the knives on the TV and i’m trying to order the warriors sword.
ThrillhouseE: Heres my credit card number
ThrillhouseE: 5634 8765 9776 0956
ThrillhouseE: Exp. 02/08
Jenna445: call the number on the screen fuckwit
ThrillhouseE: Thats very rude of you
ThrillhouseE: It says I can order online.
ThrillhouseE: Let me talk to your manager
ThrillhouseE: Hello?
ThrillhouseE: I wanna talk to the boss
ThrillhouseE: Hello?
ThrillhouseE: The warrior’s sword
Jenna445: get a life stop bugging me
ThrillhouseE: I want to buy the warriors sword
ThrillhouseE: 5634 8765 9776 0956
Jenna445: if this is someone i know you’re on my shitlist now
ThrillhouseE: Exp. 02/08
ThrillhouseE: Your getting fired.
ThrillhouseE: im callin your manager
ThrillhouseE: prepared to get your ass canned
Jenna445: fired from where?
ThrillhouseE: from the tv network
ThrillhouseE: Im calling them right now
Jenna445: ok let me know how that works out for you
ThrillhouseE: I will

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phreak288 is idle at 10:00:25 AM.
ThrillhouseE: Don’t get idle on me phreaky
ThrillhouseE: Stay with me buddy
phreak288 is no longer idle at 11:27:54 AM.
phreak288: ?
ThrillhouseE: ???
ThrillhouseE: dude
ThrillhouseE: you almost ate the big one
phreak288: who is this
ThrillhouseE: Chad
phreak288: i don’t know anyone named chad
ThrillhouseE: i don’t give a fuck
phreak288: ok
ThrillhouseE: you know me don’t you
phreak288: fine with me
ThrillhouseE: Chad
phreak288: yeah whatever
ThrillhouseE: whatever, your momma
phreak288: ok well i’m gonna go take a nap now
ThrillhouseE: yeah
ThrillhouseE: you scared
phreak288: yeah you caught me
ThrillhouseE: dey scared a me
phreak288: well who wouldn’t be
ThrillhouseE: people who ain’t pussy ass bitches
phreak288: true dat
ThrillhouseE: fo sho
ThrillhouseE: I got a gang
ThrillhouseE: you want in?
phreak288: and seeing as how i am a pussy ass bitch i’m going to go take a nap…i’ll be back later, hopefully i won’t still be scared of you at that point
ThrillhouseE: you best not be
phreak288 is away at 11:35:12 AM.
ThrillhouseE: pussy ass bitch
Auto response from phreak288: naptime

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ThrillhouseE: How diddily doo?
ThrillhouseE: I’ve got a riddle for you
ThrillhouseE: Your boyfriend is gay
ThrillhouseE: I guess its not so much of a riddle as it is a fact
Sparkles37233: who is this?
ThrillhouseE: carl
Sparkles37233: ok
ThrillhouseE: carl the magical cum flavored hairy jungle man
ThrillhouseE: i come to grant 4 wishes
ThrillhouseE: go ahead and shoot with the wishes
ThrillhouseE: any day now
Sparkles37233: i wish u would stop talking to me
ThrillhouseE: well, i’m really sorry
ThrillhouseE: but no
ThrillhouseE: that counts as a wish too
ThrillhouseE: 3 more
ThrillhouseE: most people would kill a baby for this opportunity
ThrillhouseE: you don’t even care
ThrillhouseE: no more witty retorts?
ThrillhouseE: i was really hurt by the last one
ThrillhouseE: but i think you can do better
Sparkles37233 is away at 10:40:32 AM.

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ThrillhouseE: I heard you were kissing some dude in the park yesterday
ThrillhouseE: nevermind
ThrillhouseE: that was somebody else
ThrillhouseE: but i heard that you licked a lobster
ThrillhouseE: dad?
modcomplex: ?
ThrillhouseE: daddy!
ThrillhouseE: you are alive!
modcomplex: who is this?
ThrillhouseE: this your boy
ThrillhouseE: i have found my papa!
modcomplex: I don’t have time for this right now. Either tell me who this is, or I’m blocking you.
ThrillhouseE: they told me that you had been killed
ThrillhouseE: killed by the man in black
ThrillhouseE: you are too busy for me now?
ThrillhouseE: Papa?
ThrillhouseE: Papa!
modcomplex signed off at 10:56:42 AM.

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ThrillhouseE: Try eating a snake for breakfast
Wnderwomin: ok
ThrillhouseE: yeah?
ThrillhouseE: its really not as gross as everyone says
ThrillhouseE: tastes like vitamin water
ThrillhouseE: so. . . .
ThrillhouseE: im looking for somebody to go tiger hunting with me
ThrillhouseE: would you like to go?
Wnderwomin: who is this
ThrillhouseE: Barry
ThrillhouseE: would you like to shoot a tiger in the face?
ThrillhouseE: hello?
Wnderwomin signed off at 10:56:42 AM.

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ThrillhouseE: How much pudding do you think Hulk Hogan could eat?
LitasLilDemon: I dont know. I’d rather see him choke on it lol
ThrillhouseE: really?
ThrillhouseE: thats not very nice
LitasLilDemon: I dont like Hulk Hogan
ThrillhouseE: No?
ThrillhouseE: The Hulkster?
LitasLilDemon: not at all
ThrillhouseE: Hulkamania?
ThrillhouseE: Why?
ThrillhouseE: What did he ever do to you?
LitasLilDemon: I just don’t like him.
ThrillhouseE: theres got to be a reason
LitasLilDemon: who is this anyway, and why do you care if I want to see Hulk choke on pudding?
ThrillhouseE: I’m just a Hulkamaniac trying to spread the good word
LitasLilDemon: spread it somewhere else lol
LitasLilDemon: I could’nt give a crap
ThrillhouseE: we can talk about something else
LitasLilDemon: talk away
ThrillhouseE: do you like American history?
LitasLilDemon: I suck at history
ThrillhouseE: Well here’s a little rhyme that might help you out
ThrillhouseE: On the one dollar bill if you look on the front, you’ll find the face of George Washington
ThrillhouseE: Make money baby, thats all I do. That’s how i know Thomas Jefferson is on the 2.
ThrillhouseE: Abraham Lincoln got shot and died, freed the slaves so they put him on the five
ThrillhouseE: and Hamilton, my old time friend. They put his face on the front of the 10.
LitasLilDemon: I know who presidents are, and what bills they are on, thanks.
LitasLilDemon: I dont take any history classes, Im not too worried about it.
ThrillhouseE: Ok, what can i help you study for
LitasLilDemon: I don’t need help studying.
ThrillhouseE: Ok.
ThrillhouseE: Do you wanna buy some drugs?
LitasLilDemon: no.
ThrillhouseE: How bout a rolex?
LitasLilDemon: what do you want
ThrillhouseE: Respect
ThrillhouseE: and power
LitasLilDemon: well you aren’t doing very well at getting either from me
ThrillhouseE: what do you want?
LitasLilDemon: I want to know why you are bothering me
ThrillhouseE: I want to know why you are bothering me
ThrillhouseE: this is ridiculous
LitasLilDemon: what is?
ThrillhouseE: everything
ThrillhouseE: this chair
ThrillhouseE: this silly computer
ThrillhouseE: my dog (he’s wearing sunglasses right now)
LitasLilDemon: so then go away
ThrillhouseE: would that make you happy?
LitasLilDemon: I wouldn’t care
ThrillhouseE: ok

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