“A Day in the Lifeguard”
Here’s a scene I wrote for the show “Holding Out For A Decent Hero” March-May 2007
“A Day in the Lifeguard”
Matt Kelley
07/14/06
CAST
CHARLIE SAX, 40’s
MR. MARTIN, 50’s
FAT KID, 14
(CHARLIE SAX is passed out in a chair by the pool.)
CHARLIE SAX (VOICE OVER)
Some people get their kicks baking muffins or driving a school bus. Me? Let’s just say I’m the last line of defense between the people that make the rules and the scum that think the rules don’t apply to them. My name is Charlie Sax. I’m a lifeguard.
(MR. MARTIN ENTERS)
MR. MARTIN
Charlie.
CHARLIE SAX (VOICE OVER)
I guess you could say I was born into it. Mom was a lifeguard. Dad was a lifeguard. Some of the guys on the force will tell you that I’ve got a few screws loose or that I hit the bottle a little too hard, but that’s just part of the job.
MR. MARTIN
Charlie.
CHARLIE SAX (VOICE OVER)
You never know who you can trust in this washed out topsy-turvy town. Questions need answers. That’s what I do.
MR. MARTIN
Charlie Sax!
(CHARLIE SAX wakes up.)
CHARLIE SAX
What?! Patrick Swayze!
MR. MARTIN
Jesus Christ Charlie, wake up. Lifeguards can’t fall asleep on the job. I need to have a talk with you.
CHARLIE SAX
Talk is cheap, boss. What do you need?
(CHARLIE SAX lights a cigarette. MR. MARTIN puts it out.)
MR. MARTIN
Charlie, you’re fired. Plain and simple. People depend on you to guard their lives. It’s the name of the job.
CHARLIE SAX
It doesn’t matter how the job gets done. Long as people are safe.
MR. MARTIN
Well, that’s kind of the point, Charlie. People aren’t safe. A seven-year-old girl got her nose broken yesterday.
CHARLIE
She was running by the pool. Somebody has to stick up for the justice system around here.
MR. MARTIN
But you didn’t have to punch her.
(CHARLIE SAX takes a swig from his flask.)
CHARLIE SAX
This pool has a cancer…and I’m the cure.
(MR. MARTIN grabs the flask)
MR. MARTIN
What are you retarded? You can’t drink on the job either.
CHARLIE SAX
Look. Maybe I’m a little rough around the edges, but I’m the best thing that ever happened to this pool. How many murders have you had since I started working here? None.
MR. MARTIN
There’s never been a murder here. I opened this place 27 years ago and the only injuries we’ve ever had have happened during your shift.
CHARLIE SAX
Well, when you’ve guarding lives as long as I have, you’re bound to run into some trouble here and there.
MR. MARTIN
You’ve been here for four days and we’ve already had eleven incidents.
CHARLIE SAX
Yeah, but not twelve incidents.
MR. MARTIN
Frankly, one incident is too many. Now, I need you to pack up your things and go.
CHARLIE SAX
I suppose you’ll be wanting my badge and gun.
(CHARLIE SAX hands over his badge and gun.)
MR. MARTIN
See, Charlie. This is exactly what I’ve been talking about. Lifeguards, don’t carry badges and guns.
(FAT KID ENTERS. FAT KID is eating ice-cream.)
FAT KID
Do you guys know where the towels are?
(CHARLIE SAX grabs gun jumps on top of FAT KID.)
CHARLIE SAX
Get down! Get down on the god-damned ground!
FAT KID
What are you doing!? I’m just a kid!
MR. MARTIN
What the hell are you doing, Charlie? Get off of him! He’s just a fat kid!
CHARLIE SAX
He’s all doped up on the silly juice! Look at him! It’s all over his face!
MR. MARTIN
That’s ice cream you idiot.
(MR. MARTIN pulls CHARLIE SAX off of FAT KID. FAT KID begins to cry.)
FAT KID
What the hell is your problem?
MR. MARTIN
I’m sorry son. We’ll get you a new ice-cream.
FAT KID
I’m going to sue the pants off of you.
CHARLIE SAX
Go ahead and try it, dope nose.
(CHARLIE SAX tries to go after FAT KID but is held back by MR. MARTIN.)
MR. MARTIN
Shut up, you moron. Look kid. How about a free pass to the pool for the whole summer?
FAT KID
What about the arcade?
MR. MARTIN
Sure. Sure. Anything you want. Let’s just forget this whole thing ever happened.
FAT KID
I want him fired.
MR. MARTIN
No problem. I was firing him any way. Charlie, leave.
CHARLIE SAX
But I…
MR. MARTIN
Now!
(CHARLIE SAX begins to leave.)
FAT KID
That’s right. Get the hell out of here psycho. You can go attack 14-year-old boys somewhere else. I hope somebody attacks you for no good reason on your way h…
(A bag full of white powder falls out of FAT KID’s pocket.)
MR. MARTIN
What the hell is that?
FAT KID
Baking powder?
MR. MARTIN
Drugs. At my pool. You little son of a…
(CHARLIE SAX opens bag and tastes the powder.)
CHARLIE SAX
It’s pure.
FAT KID
It’s not mine. I swear.
(FAT KID tries to run, but is subdued by CHARLIE SAX.)
CHARLIE SAX
Tell it to the judge, doughboy.
MR. MARTIN
Good show, Charlie. You know, I think maybe there’s a place for you here after all. Take him away.
FAT KID
You can’t stop me! You haven’t seen the last of the fat kid!
(CHARLIE SAX begins to haul FAT KID away. Everyone freezes.)
CHARLIE SAX (VOICE OVER)
Some people say there’s no heroes left in the world. I say, they’re not looking hard enough.
(FAT KID begins to sneak away.)
MR. MARTIN
Charlie.
CHARLIE SAX (VOICE OVER)
I say there’s a hero inside all of us. All you have to do is dig for it.
MR. MARTIN
Charlie.
(FAT KID is gone.)
CHARLIE SAX (VOICE OVER)
My name is Charlie Sax. I’m a lifeguard. I guard lives.
MR. MARTIN
Charlie!
CHARLIE SAX
What?! Michael Bolton!
MR. MARTIN
He got away.
CHARLIE SAX
Right. Sorry.